My iPhone 5 won't connect to my iTunes?

I have restarted my computer.
Uninstalled & reinstalled iTunes.
Rebooted my iPhone.
Tried different cables!

Not even my iPod touch will connect! This is really annoying me now, and I need help As soon as possible.

:( Absolutely nothing is working!

Have you checked you're router? If push comes to shove go to the Apple store and have them help you sort out the problem.

Place it in the microwave for 30 seconds

Disconnect your iDevice.

Go to:
Start | Control Panel | Adminstrative Tools | Services

Make sure services "Apple Mobile Device" and "Bonjour Service" are started and running. It might be a good idea to restart each service to be sure.

Reconnect your iDevice.

Your computer should recognize the iDevice is connected even without iTunes running.