Do I deserve to be alive?
I'm currently in high school. I'm not really smart as a student. I tried my really best on studying the subjects that I'm bad at. I spent around 4 hours after school doing research on those subjects and at the end I still failed my classes. I tried doing sports and I failed horribly. Not fast enough for soccer. Not tall enough for basketball ( I'm 5'7). Not strong enough for football. I tried my really best at those sports. Never missed a single practice day, and some other kids who were gone for the entire 2 weeks and still got more playing times and I was on the bench for almost the entire season. I have no skills at all. No one at school likes me because I'm ugly. But my family are rich. Back then I spend my money on lots of stupid things like Airpods Shoes, Clothes. I feel sorry for those who wanted a normal life but couldn't afford it. They worked everyday to make money for their family and me over here spending money like it is nothing. I hate myself for not being good enough at things that I do. I tried to make my parents happy but I'm just a disappointment in the family. I have been trying to kill myself countless of times, but I'm too scared to die. I don't deserve anything and more people who deserve more than me doesn't have the life that I'm having right now. Am I a loser? Does my life have meaning? Or God created me in this world for people to make fun of and die with no one remember me.
Of course you are worthy, do not let people and situations define your worth.
Of course you deserve to be alive, instead
Focus on your talents and be proud of them.
When next at doctors ask about overcoming
Perfectionism thanks, okay?
You deserve to be alive. You have a purpose. It may take some time to find your purpose and talent. Your greatest achievements are still in the future. Many people find their purpose and/or talent when they are already middle-aged or old.
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