Gender War. Battalions assemble. What is your weapon of choice?

OK, imagine this:

Its dawn. Battle lines are drawn. Male army one the one side, female on the other, nothing separating them but an open field.

silence.

The only sound is the sound of breathing and the occasional snuffle from a pooch in a handbag, or the muted bleep of someone getting I'm'd on their iPhone.

The generals give their signals and… BATTLE COMMENCES!

Female infantry releases the first salvo: a mini pack of chihuahuas recently released from handbags (prada).

Male infantry responds: Kneels, unfurls umbrellas to deflect the onslaught. But some pooches make it through, attack ankles, send infantry into disarray.

Females release a second wave: contents of handbags catapaulted at high speed. Men, distracted by small dogs attached to their trouser legs let the shields falter, so lipsticks, hair brushes and compacts manage to hit their targets: More than one man is felled by a tampon to the eye.

time for the second wave.

How would you respond? What would your weapon be and how would you use it?

M or F

Added (1). Hey Thanks Guys. Great answers, but will is the winner!

Co-ed taiko.

Then a volley of roses delivered via trébuchet.

I choose to stay home and let my husband do the fighting for me. And upon his return, I reward him with sex.

Millions of diamond engagement rings and a giant a$$ land mine.

How about a good old fashioned rolling pin?

I could wear curlers too, in my hair. That sight might send them running.lol

My weapon against the ever-hungry belly of feminine demands? Indifference.

Fire the catapults loaded with dirty socks, under wear, and jock straps. Resulting stench deals a death blow to the chihuahuas that haven't been released and starts puts some of the women into convulsions. Fire a round of mortar cannons loaded with a month's worth of dishes from the kitchen sink in a shrapnel barrage. Next Audible Warfare as Tom Leykis begins to blare over the loud speakers inciting rage among Feminists.

WEAPON:
Chopsticks, as usual.

TACTICS:
Jump onto people with my ninja skills, unseen, and slit their throats with my chopsticks.
Then send the corpse to China for organ harvesting.

GENDER:
Asian (does that count?).

Http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guan_dao

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