How to bond with my rebellious teenage son?

My son, Luke, is… Well, a teenager. He can be best described as a "rebel". I keep trying to connect with him through this spiritual bond we have, but he denies that I'm his father! He can be a bit sensitive, sometimes he'll just stare at the sunsset. I'm working really hard on getting him ready to take on the family business for when he gets older, but he doesn't seem to like my profession. I'm in charge of a large imperial business that supplies many, many, many jobs in security & construction. But my son is sometimes literally trying to bring down my business! I can't betray my boss! He simply doesn't understand how much effort I've invested into my empire, I've been working on this since sith grade!

Doesn't Luke see that he's just hurting his future self?

He also hangs around with a bunch of punks. I don't trust his friends, one of them even owns this 8 foot tall dog and is driving my son around his reckless vehicle. I even read on Spacebook that Luke's friend let the 8 foot tall dog drive the dang vehicle! One of his female friends is part of the rebel alliance and a traitor, I condemn her intentions! All of my son's friends are rebels, is he simply just surrounded by a lot of bad influence? Perhaps I could find new ways to motivate them…

He is getting to the age where he could become more, err… Powerful, than me. My manager as foreseen this. I'm a disabled veteran, I have serious health conditions including heavy breathing problems, mechanical hands & feet, along with many other problems that requires me to carry machines with me to literally prevent me from dying. I'm like a scary robocop, and I think Luke might be embarrassed by me. When 50 years old you age, look as good you will not, hmm?

Now I will admit, I haven't been a great father. Luke's mother died in childbirth and I was exactly around too much when Luke was growing up in his early years, but I work a very time-consuming job. There also has been some domestic violence, but I told Padme: "When you pay the lightsaber bills around here, you can slaughter younglings any way you like. For now, you live in my Death Star." But then we had an 'incident' (not my fault, my friend turned her against me) and I never saw her again.

For his birthday, I was going to get him one of them Iphones, but his uncle got him a Droid instead. TWO droids actually (show-off, I know). I had one of those cards that play a pre-recorded audio clip when you open it. I thought it was rather clever, I sang this song that all the kids are singing. What I said was:
"♪ Hey, I just met you, ♪
♪ And this is crazy ♪
♪ But I'm your father, ♪
♪ So join me maybe ♪"
But he just yelled "NO!" in my face and took extreme measures to get away from me. I shoud've got him a pet Bantha instead. He underestimates my power.

I'll be honest, I'm not the most "tolerant" person. My admirals, err… Co-workers, are constantly failing me and one of these days it will be for the last time. Its just I'm the project manager for a huge project and its very stressful, I can't tolerate failure!

I've tried and tried to bond with Luke. I can… Sense… Some sort of spiritual bond between us, but I can't play any sports with him because of my health problems! Not even shockboxing! Please help me figure out how to bond with my teenage son, I've been looking for the answer in Alderaan places!

Bond over some weed

Nice copy n paste…

Cut off his hand. That should help.

You can't use [the] force to make someone like you.

It must be a tedious lifestyle, being a troll.

Take a trip to Geonosis?

It seems like a sticky situation but I've found that what glues a family together is adhesive.

You seem to be forcing your ideals on him. Honestly, I know you're worried but you kinda come off as imposing. Can I suggest you seek a family counsellor, they can be immensely helpful to your situation. We're, after all, just common people with no knowledge on teen psycology. I'm actually 17 and I can relate to your son, he's undergoing puberty, a period of emotional up and downs, be patient, this is a very common pheomena, this is the rebellious stage.

Serious here… Let him keep the droids. They are way more user friendly!