I'm always traveling and away from my children?

I tell my children that I wish I was home more. I wish I lived in the town they live in. I entertain them with big toys, trips and thrills out of guilt plus it looks good to society. I think l am a good mom but I'm never around on a day to day basis. I'm gone for weeks to my second, third homes. I don't work I have no control of my own income and I use this excuse to make my kids feel like I have no say when I really love being on vacations all the time. I try to be there emotionally but I know I'm not there for them and I feel like its the song cats in the cradle with the silver spoon little boy blue and the man in the moon. My life revolves around my husbands interest which are now mine I don't have my own intersests except sociallizing with our friends but I love my life but I tell my kids that my live is not what I want it to be so they feel bad for me and it works. I make sure I'm home for appearances and make sure to post those pics on FB so everyone thinks I'm super mom but I'm there for that day and then I take off again. I compete with my ex and his wife if they do a trip I get my husband to do one too but someting a little more outlandish to one up them. I'm jealous and competitive. I hang out with women that are older and heavier than me I'm always the skinny one. I like the attention thats all I have. I've never accomplished anything on my own. I have to get my self esteem from everyone telling me how good I look or how skinny I'm. I'm the party girl(mom).Am i really that bad? I get them iphones and and very expensive toys all the time. I'm not a big education person I leave that for their dad thats his responsibility. Do you think my friends really know who I'm?

I'm sure they understand you sound like a dam good parent to me