Want to shut off son's iPhone cellular service, plus others. Any suggestion?

My 12 year old son has his iPhone since 11th birthday. I see his life is increasingly dependent on the phone. He socials with his friends in Instagram which we're following it; he does research when there's question about homework but he does many fun things with it too. Some of his friends do not have full access to their phone whom he become distant over time. He now has friends who have pretty much full phone access. For the past months, we're increasingly struggled to get him focus on doing his homework. He would watch videos and doing homework at the same time, to the point that for the past few days, he couldn't finish his homework until passed 11PM. In addition to the phone issue, computer is a problem too. School now requires computer to do his homework. But he would have video or game on when doing homework. Lots of times we can't even tell whether he is doing his homework or playing game we're not able to stay over his shoulder all the times. I'm thinking I need to install parental control app in the computer which I know there will be a "huge" standoff in the house when we try to do so. Any suggestion and experience to share?

You should password encode your Wi-Fi (or change the password if he knows it already). He will then only be able to use mobile data, which will run out eventually if using pay as you go. If he is on contract, simply cancel the contract, or set a mobile data limit on the settings on his phone.

When my kids were younger we solved the homework problem simply by taking away the phone until they could prove to use it responsibly which included getting their responsibly done (like homework) before bed time. But this was a common punishment for other things and my wife and on thought the periodic disuse of the phone was good for both our son and daughter. And in my house there's never a stand off because the kids know who makes the rules and who follows them.

One complete homework assignment (tracked by teacher's email) means one hour of phone time multiplied by the GPA.
An additional "extra-credit" work gives him an extra-half hour per.

If you want him to research (critically think), then, as punishment, have him write a one page (or more) essay on "Why was [this decision] a good idea.
When he can't answer it, (there are no good ideas for bad behavior), then let him off the hook by writing an essay on why it was a bad idea.

He will notice which is easier to write because he had to think [it] through.

** If he gives you a (n inevitable) snotty report, tell him to re-write it "now that you have it out of your system."

End result = critical thinking.

(you can also allow him to convert excess hours into cash ($couple) so that he learns to earn too)

11 is too young for a SMARTphone, id wait until 14 or 15 until a smart phone. 12 isn't mature enough

Take the phone away from him. Phones are a privilege not a right. I don't think kids his age should have iphones anyway. A $5 tracfone that makes simple calls would do just fine.

When i had to research before i used a fancy book called an encyclopedia. No word of a lie in those. Buy him a nice set of encyclopedias. He can research there

Big stand off? He's 12. Your legitimate concerns focus on him doing his homework or until what time he is doing it. The others are normal for a kid growing up in the world we have created. His homework is irrelevant, how are his GRADES! Him not doing any homework and getting A's is preferable to him completing all the homework by 8 and getting F's.

Bedtime. Have you talked to the parents of classmates to see what time their kids finish? Try that first. If you hear 8:30, then you have to put a bed time much earlier than 11 and if you have to sit with i'm to make sure he stay on task, that is just a responsibility of parenthood.

How much of a huge standoff can there be against a 12 year old?

Anyway, yes, he's overly into phones and computers if it's coming at the expense of schooling. You can just take away his phone, or give him a phone that only makes calls. Honestly, I don't know why an 11 year old would need a smartphone. So if there's any way to make it do nothing but make phone calls, do that.

As far as the computer, I was addicted to video games as a kid myself (1980s…) and it took my parents being on me (politely but firmly) to always get to my homework before anything else. You just need to set the boundaries like that. If it comes to putting a monitor on the computer to see what he's doing -- do it.

There's nothing more important than his schooling (well, family, but that's different). If anything is getting in the way, electronic or otherwise, you need to get in and stop it. I'd say the same thing to someone whose child is into playing the guitar, or running track at the expense of schoolwork, or riding his bike too much…

One more piece of advice, if I may. You need to make it so that your son wants to do his homework rather than wants to play on the phone. That's what my parents did for me, and I did well for myself. Once I was in middle school, even though I was heavily into music (the career I entered), I absolutely loved school, because my parents supported me. It felt good. Do what you can to get behind your son and make him fell wanted that way.

(I swear I feel like you're my parent.)
As long as he does nothing shady or age inappropriate, let him be. He's your child, but you have to let him grow and stuff. Don't go snooping and spying on him, because if he finds out, he'll be more hesitant to show you things. Let him be but don't snoop and let him be a child.

Youzzji