Was my husband in the wrong just now defending our daughter?

Our daughter (12yrs) has an iPhone. I have told her many times that she is not allowed to play games on it in the house. When she's at home she can do homework, research stuff on her computer, read, draw, practice her violin, play with her dog, but she is not allowed to play games on her phone. She quite often sneaks her phone into the toilet and plays games there, I've told her not to but when she's pooping I can't just burst in there and take it away. Also, she is in charge of packing her school bag in preparation for the next day.

So tonight I came back from the gym and my daughter was slumped on the sofa at bed time playing games on her phone. I sternly said, but without shouting or swearing " I have told you no iPhone games in the house, why are you playing games when it's late, and why are you playing games when you haven't packed your school bag yet?" She got up and started doing it and my husband strait away said to me "stop shouting" when I wasn't shouting (I really wasn't) and when I told him to but out he said "I'm sure she wasn't playing games, I think she might have just been using her calculator" when I had seen she was playing Candy Crush.

She is allowed to play games on the bus/ tube/ car and long journeys. She's lucky to have an iPhone and she should not be playing games on it when we've told her no. I'm so angry at my husband.

Added (1). I don't want her playing the iPhone because there are better things to do. There's plenty of time in cars/ trains and buses to play, and she doesn't achieve enough to deserve to play.

What is so bad about playing games on a phone. It beats playing a violin.

I can see where you'd be angry, but at the same time, why not carve out some time in her day to let her play her games? If she's going to sneak and do it when she's using the bathroom, you may as well give in and let her have it for an hour or so a day. It gives her time to unwind, and if you help her to find the right games/apps, she can be learning as she does it, too. I agree that she's lucky to have an iPhone at her age. I also think that you and your husband need to speak about your opinions on this subject so that you present a united front.

You don't need us to judge him for you. What I suggest is having a private conversation with him and just make sure the two of you agree on what the rules for her phone use should be and how to implement those rules.

I'm glad you have rules for iPhones. That's super important.

If the phone is a problem, have her hand it over when she gets home. But an hour or so a day (as a mental distraction from studies & chores) is not going to ruin her. It may actually be a motivation to get other priorities taken care of. Such as homework & packing her bag, certain chores done FIRST-which is reasonable. I think your husband honestly believes you're too strict about the games. Kids NEED time to play. Candy Crush is harmless. I can think of far worse things a teen can be occupied with. So try this: phone on the counter/kitchen table when she gets home. Do her homework & chores. One hour (after dinner, before bed), allow her to play her game, and done for the day.

I don't think so, i think you should give her more time to play games, she's just a kid and thats what she likes

Your husband is naive.

I don't get why people feel their kids need phones. I never need one as a kid. Take the thing away until she does what she is told. You are the adult, act like one.

Yes he was wrong… You have to agree on rearing your child.

Tell her and him that if she does it again… The phone will be taken away for a week.

YOU AND HE ARE THE ADULTS… BE FIRM

MO MA AND GRANDMA