Ios6 restore\update error - can't restore from backup?

Hi. I recently updated my iphone 3gs to ios6 and received an error. My iphone was automatically put into recovery mode. I restored it happily enough because it made a backup just before it started updating to ios6. However, when it finished restoring, i didn't get the option to restore from a backup. Now the iphone is trying to get setup as a new phone. When i shift-click on my device in itunes, the only option is to eject it. There definitely is a backup because i've checked preferences. I've uninstalled and re-installed itunes, restarted my computer, and restored the iphone multiple times now. I've seen in other forums that i could delete itunes_control and that would fix it but i'm not doing that unless i'm sure it will work. Is there a third party program i can use to restore from backup? Or can i forcibly make itunes do it? I really need help with this one.

There's in fact software out there that can do lots of different things with Apple products. Often they are cross compatible with other non apple devices as well. One review article http://rockbridgereviews.com/accessory-software-for-ipod-iphone-ipad-and-itunes/ has links to software developers that offer various types of software for backing up, transferring music, alternative organizer software, restore recover and backup software that might be worth checking out.