How Much Does This SAT Essay Deserve?

Prompt:

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

We would like to think that progress causes problems to be solved completely, and sometimes that happens. For example, some diseases that once posed a serious threat are no longer a problem, thanks to modern medicine. Some problems can be solved, and they go away. But as often as not, problems exist in a chain of cause and effect: for each problem solved, a new one develops.

Adapted from Gregg Easterbrook, The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse

Assignment: Does progress reduce the number of problems in the world, or does solving old problems just lead to new ones? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay:
"While progress may further complicate already intricate matters, it is only through progress that we're able to improve and develop. Without progress, problems and difficult situations will not decline. Let us use the advancement of the human race as an example. We were able to burgeon and become the most advanced species through progression. Apple is a company that demonstrates the effect of progress very well. From the first iPhone they were able to advance to the much sought after iPhone 4s. And also from personal experience we can deduce that progress is one of the requirements for success.

Firstly, it is not unfamiliar to us that our earliest forefathers did not enjoy the luxuries that we have today. By advancing in technology and expanding our knowledge, we have progressed into a generally civilized and decorous species. Without progress, Thomas Edison would not have invented the light bulb, America would not have gained its independence, and the caveman would have never left the cave.

Another rife example to substantiate that progress makes life easier, not worse, is the business companies which strive to produce attractive products. Apple, for example, invented the iPhone and continued to renovate it until it reached to the iPhone 4. Through more progress, the iPhone 4s was made with more advancements than ever.

Also, if we consider our daily lives we can postulate that progress is a necessity in life. A baby is able to walk on his or her two feet only by progressing. From progress we can study the effect of a stimulus and determine whether it is beneficial or deleterious. Doctors examine the progress of their patients' health to deduce whether the medication they are given is congruent with their conditions or not.

Finally, we can see that progress does not only solve our problems, it improves our conditions. Without progress, our problems will never decline and we will never surpass step 1. "

1-6 how much do you think this essay would get? Also, what improvements can I make to get a higher score?

1 or 2… Tops

I'd give it a 3.

I feel that it is a very well-written piece. However, it strays from the original prompt. You talked nicely about the importance of progress and examples of it, but you still did not make the connection between progress and the generation of new problems.

You could have said that the problems that keep showing up after progress and success are problems that existed from the beginning but we're only becoming advanced enough to understand those problems. For example, the caveman would find starting a fire in a windy rainy weather a problem, and he would not consider global warming or pollution a problem.

You digressed from the prompt, it was asking if solving problems really solves them, or if solving problems only causes more. You leaned towards the solving problems really solve them side, and should have used polio or small pox vaccinations as examples. Your essay is a 2-3 (really depends on the grader)
only because yoi digressed, if you would have stayed on topic, you would have gotten at least a 5.