Explain me please, why lately i do really bad thoughts? (please)?
The last two weeks i'm doing some really deep but also some really bad thoughts.
Deep like "When i'm too old and i will not have the energy to do anything and i will just wait to die without any knowledge of what i will became or where will i go"
For example i'm thinking that all those people out there saying "YOLO" and "Carpe Diem" they mean "go out and enjoy" but i'm not exactly the party animal. It may be wrong but i don't like going to clubs, i don't like 20 people in 1 square meter and all. I don't smoke so i'm a LITTLE(sarcastic and all) picky about my friends. I'm thinking that all the religions out there talking about peace and chilling(about after death) but the idea of don't control my body and just think drives me nuts i'm lately really frustrated about what i will do when i'm 70 years old(if i reach that lol) because the old days(1 century before) people didn't have tv or computes so they were happy with the little things they had. I have everything a modern kid should have and i'm feeling a lot of empty. I mean, i would prefer to live back on '60s(even if i don't like LSD and hippies) because back then, people had problems like "we must do something about the war" or "let's go to a trip on California" and now we're like "d@mn the new Iphone is on the sales why can't i have it boohoo" that's really ungrateful and ignorant and i'm feeling bad about myself using all these machines. Like Matrix somehow because we now depending on the machines(unlike 50-100 years ago)
BTW i'm really for my military service and i'm doing some bad thoughts like "what if my mom dies and when i learn the bad news feel bad about myself for not being the perfect son" or "what if i don't have the chance to tell her how much i appreciate her love and how i care about her and feel regret when i will not be able to do that anymore?" Because having good memories is good so having a lot of photographs of your beloved smiling is good also but i will cry every time i think about her because i'm very emotional guy and when something is going wrong i just wanna hug my mother and forget all the bad things. Is it too immature for my age? I supposed to think about these stuff(when i'm gonna die and where will i go) a lot of time later but i can't think anything else.every second passes we grew older, we will never go back to the time when we were little kids and i kinda missed that. I don't know if i was innocent or the world was a better place(highly doubt about that because i'm talking about 8-9 years ago when i was 9 but anyway) but i missed the time when things were simple. And i also miss the happy thoughts and i didn't imagine bad stuff. Lately i feel like the whole life is totally meaningless because we come to this world, we live for a few decades and we die. There's no memory from us. No trace of our lifes. Even if we manage to change history with the good or the bad way, people will remember us for the great or terrible things we done and not for… Us. So as a conclusion, having bad thoughts from the age of 17-18 is bad and what should i do?