Should I kill myself? So angry and tired?
I have been thinking of this for a while, I first tried to commit suicide back in feb but failed obviously (for a whole different reason) but now I'm just so mad and tired. We're an average/ a bit above average class family but recently things have been VERY VERY tough, seriously we're barely able to buy groceries at the moment. Things are usually good/ okay but for some reason things have been plummeting.
A few weeks ago my rabbits broke my ipod and iphone charger so I had to buy 2 of those and just today my rabbit broke my mac charger which is like 80$ to buy a new one. I'm so mad. As you can see, we're able to afford those things but still NOW things are VERY bad, and I go to a school that requires you to have a computer at school so I NEED my computer. It's at 29% now.
And now I have to buy my mac charger! My mom knows and she is so mad last time both my parents were very very very mad. Ugh and now that things are very tough. I'm just thinking I should kill myself. Not because of this charger, but EVERYTHING
I'm So tired and worried of how and for how long my family will hold up since money is very very tight and getting worse. I'm not careful enough apparently. I'm just so mad upset and worried.a couple months ago I only took 2 of my mom's ambien pills - not knowing what exactly would happen - and it was bad. I had hallucinations, could barely read or type, I could barely walk and I cried a lot (no reason), I fell asleep multilple times and ended up throwing up this whole thing lasted for maybe 8 hours ish. So I could just take her pills again (but I would have to find them) and sit in a bath tub full of water and just wait. I'm just so sick and tired of my life. I have great friends but no one really understands what I'm going through - I KNOW "other people have it worse" but frankly, I DON'T CARE I still have my problems and issues. And my dad has major dental problems and is unable to do anything and i'm just so FRUSTRATED and worried.
I just turned 15 less than 2 weeks ago, and I'm a girl. I'm just so mad at everything even my pets which is funny because they are the reason I'm still alive but now, they have just added more onto my plate. My mom keeps on telling me she might go work as a maid, do you know what it feels like to hear her say that? My parents own a small news company and my dad also works for AA. How am I supposed to forget or move on after saying that to me? What kind of hope or encouragement does that give me? "I'll do dishes or clean floors I have to earn some money" what? How much money do we even have now if you're willing to BE that person you HIRED years ago?
Added (1). I'm NOT DEPRESSED, by the way, there are times where I feel happy and normal up until recently where my mom has told me about our money crisis and more things just pile onto that making everything worse