Maturely, analyze me please?

Forewarning: I'm typing this from my iPhone so there are bound to be oddly structured sentences and spelling mistakes.

Alright while growing up I rarely had anyone treat me with fondness and commonly wrote off by teachers and other role models. My dad was missing for most if my developmental years, and outside of my mom, most people would refuse to have any sort of physical contact or presence around me.

To be blunt I was bullied and bullied hard, a social outcast.

Now this has carried over to my adulthood but has become inverted into my personality, being near or seen by people can make me nervous and being in contact with another person, unless I know them from my childhood, is ackward.

About a years time ago, a guy who's a few years older than me got a job where I work. He pals around with me, throwing his arm around my shoulders high fives, the typical stuff.

At first it was a little surprising, but now I've really grown to actually start to grow feelings of fondness, love for him. Now I'm not gay, but I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't think fully understand how I feel. I do have friends from my childhood, but I've never really felt comfortable palling around with them like I do with this guy.

Let me make this clear once more; I'm not gay, heterosexual through and through.

To put things simply I want someone to explain why I feel and how I feel in straight forward terms. Also why do I find palling around with him to be more natural than my friends whom I grown up with?

Maybe you're gay?

Maybe he just treats you better or differently then anyone else you have met…

Could be because he likes you in *That* way but in my experience he would have said something.

I'm also straight but single for a long time now as I got *** around one time too many. Think more positively about yourself I'm also a bit of a shut in but thats what I like… Less people to f me around but you know nothing wrong with feeling *that* way about him if you did.

Not saying you do but ya… What I'm saying is try and love yourself more. I know that can be hard believe me… One of my best friends I did grow up with I talk to everyday and id be *** without him, hes married and I love his wife and daughter just about as much as I do him. No homo but we tell each other we love one another when things are ***. Nothing wrong with letting someone know you care about them and what they stand for especially if they are down in the dumps.

Buddy sounds like a good person

It is human nature. I mean attachment to your childhood friends is due to your emotions. You have been badly treated all your life but for the first time someone is being nice to you. It is all good if you like to palling around him. And believe me it does not sound you are gay. Even being a man we have emotions and unfulfilled desires and if we find someone who is good and we feel safe around them we want to spend time with them. And believe me Chicks dig emotional guys.

I totally get you! I was sorta a social out cast when I was young. Didn't have a dad either. But in highschool i made more friends even though i'm socially awkward, but anyway I seem to only have one friend that i'm completely comfortable with. I can tell her anything and everything unlike my other friends for some reason. I'm a girl too despite my username lol. You guys are probably just really compatable as friends. Which is good! Its nice to have a close friend, it can be the beginning of a long great friendship: D