Forewarning: I'm typing this from my iPhone so there are bound to be oddly structured sentences and spelling mistakes.
Alright while growing up I rarely had anyone treat me with fondness and commonly wrote off by teachers and other role models. My dad was missing for most if my developmental years, and outside of my mom, most people would refuse to have any sort of physical contact or presence around me.
To be blunt I was bullied and bullied hard, a social outcast.
Now this has carried over to my adulthood but has become inverted into my personality, being near or seen by people can make me nervous and being in contact with another person, unless I know them from my childhood, is ackward.
About a years time ago, a guy who's a few years older than me got a job where I work. He pals around with me, throwing his arm around my shoulders high fives, the typical stuff.
At first it was a little surprising, but now I've really grown to actually start to grow feelings of fondness, love for him. Now I'm not gay, but I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't think fully understand how I feel. I do have friends from my childhood, but I've never really felt comfortable palling around with them like I do with this guy.
Let me make this clear once more; I'm not gay, heterosexual through and through.
To put things simply I want someone to explain why I feel and how I feel in straight forward terms. Also why do I find palling around with him to be more natural than my friends whom I grown up with?